Dream!

Dream, dream of a better place.
Thoughts turn your actions
Maybe they can change the pace.

You look around you -
All you see is lost faith;
But dream on I say,
You never know what you might help take place.

Do not lose hope,
Cos when the night's darkest, that's when the sun peeks out they say.
Keep working and striving,
Keep dreaming your world into place.

You may not move mountains-
You may not even move your town!
But dreaming gives inspiration-
To all your aspiration yet to be found.

So dream away I say!
You don't have to change the world.
Make a small start if that's what it takes
And you may just leave a small mark, leave someone touched.

Argo! please watch! Go!!!

i'm so exhausted! but I did catch a movie this weekend too. right after the 24 hour stay in office. It was Ben Affleck'd Argo. It is amazing. It's based on a true incident and it is awesome. i loved everything about it and i'm unabashedly going to say, it's probably the first Ben Affleck flick i have truly enjoyed. There's no unnecessary romantic angle, no added drama, it delivers the story in a nice crisp manner which keeps you on the edge of the seat throughout while also making you laugh at the occasional stabs at humour. I would suggest this movie as a must watch to everyone. And im really not in a very verbose mood right now but this is something I had to say today itself, because I loved it so much. We were flooded with familiar faces but they all essayed their characters to the t and no one over stepped the border and there were no unnecessary heroics. Go for it without thinking twice.

A smile

Sometime, very rarely and only  if you pay close attention to your surroundings, you will see a sight which will make you glad for the opportunities you have had, for your parents and families( this you may feel grateful for more often too) and wish life was not so harsh on some of the rest of us, I experienced this yesterday during my tea break.

I work for an IT firm which is pretty big in India. We have a huge sprawling campus and a beautiful two storey cafetaria. all of this requires people to take care of it. It's one of these people who caught my eye. He must not have been more than 16 years. A janitor by profession, he's the one who cleans up the mess we create on the floor and leave on the tables. There was a bunch of peoplke in the late 20s and early 30s celebrating a birthday. And obviously like most people they smashed cake in the birthday boy/man's face creating a huge mess on the floor in the process. But all I saw this kid do was stand there and laugh with glee as he watched the scene. This is something that he is going to have to clean up himself. apart from that its an experience he can not afford to have at the moment. Its pure wastage of a slice or two of cake which he could rather have fed someone he knew. But I didnt see any anger or jealousy or envy on his face. He was happily laughing away, lost in the moment. and it made me realise that life really doesnt have to be as serious as we take it. We can just have a laugh  even when life doesnt give you as much as the other because you are content with your life/ you dont begrudge the others their happiness. We are so lost in one upmanship and coming up on top that most time we do not enjoy what we are doing. We make silly sacrifices like staying away from our families and friends, ignoring them giving more time to work and all for what? I was surprised.

I think the reason that smile caught my eye was because I don't think I smile that way as often as I would like to. I think I wanted to give this person so much more for just the pure innocence he displayed. I wished he could have had some more opportunities, he had had the chance to go to school or college and get a white collar job. But then I look around at all of us who did do that and wonder did we do this to ourselves, is the crazy rat race we run to blame for the lack of that pure spark of joy I saw in this kid? I'm not sure the material things I wish he had had, which I think would make his life easier would actually do much for his soul. Sure it would make his life easier but would he then start fighting for more the way we keep strugglnbg for the next big thing be it a phone, job, car, promotion. Obviously we are more blessed than he is. But we do not say thank you enough nor do we appreciate all that we have as much as it should be. I am glad I sit here knowing that I have an excellent family and friend system. I thank god for the eductaion and job opportunities he has given me. I am glad for the supportive environment I have at work. There are a million other things I am grateful for. And all that brings them to mind is the fact that a kid smiled in the cafetaria, a true smile with no malice, just a pure joyful amused smile. Are we really so starved of real human emotion? My takeaway from this kid is to always hold my head high, be proud of what Im doing, live in the moment and enjoy life whatever be the circumstances. And I wish more of his happiness and joy for life can be seen in people around me too. 

A poem for a change.

I did something interesting last night, I doubt anyone has done this yet, but maybe they have I dont know. It was a first for me. I had a dream which woke me up at 4 and it kind of gave me the first line/inspiration for a poem. This has not happened for the first time but earlier I had put my self to sleep again saying I will remember it later, which never happened. So this time around I actually SMSed the poem to myself (I'm not so crazy that I'd wake up to put it down in my blog immediately) so here it is. Please for heaven's sake don't send me brickbats for it. I usually am more balanced than this poem suggests.

Ohh heart be still,
I've heard you long enough , now listen to my mind instead-
Love is not a game, its a battlefield
With strategies and victories and defeats thrown in.

Ohh heart don't beat so
You're making me bleed.
It's time an equal was found, an alliance was made not just a dalliance
Why must you speak when not required? It's time you let the adults think.

Ohh heart be still don't yearn no more
It's time something was earned
and to do has never been your forte still
Let whatever wisdom accumulated shine through
You just be still and watch the till.

Ohh heart, stop! Don't beat
You've made me make mistakes so far
I've had disappointments and hopes and then some more.
I can't take it anymore I'm sure - just be still
Don't beat for fear that the next defeat may me kill.

That's it folks. Now you've seen the poetic side of me though there's a whole different blog for that in another place already :D Thought I'd give you a taste of that side of me and anyone who wants more feel free to let me know and I will share the link with you. However if you are smart enough you will dig it up yourself. :)

Another Birthday gone well

Somehow I always seem to think my friends will not be able to ace their last performance and somehow they always manage to ace it regardless of it :) And I really appreciate them for this. So as you have guessed correctly, I had another awesome birthday!

So on 15th of Oct, I returned home thinking I would be cutting a cake with only Kiran, my roommate. I opened the main gate and was about to unlock my door when I heard a hopeful "Kshitija". Thinking Kiran had come, I went to check out who it was and imagine my surprise when I saw Shveta( one of my friends from IIFT) standing there. I spent the next 10 mins staring at her, giving her random hugs, asking her if she'd have water or something to eat and screaming "I can't believe you showed up" :) That in itself was an awesome start. Apparently Sayani had asked Kiran for my new address on FB( thank god for the internet) and passed on the information to Minal and Shveta. And here I was thinking  nobody was gonna do anything cos no one asked me for my address.

And then Kiran came back but  left cos something was mysteriously left with her fiancee in the car. So I tried to play dumb cos I knew it was more in my interest that way :P So I spent some time chit chatting with Shveta and Minal who could not contain her excitement and called at 11:30 itself :P. There were 2 cakes cut that night, one from Shveta and one from Kiran cos neither one knew the other was getting a cake :D so I got an amazing strawberry cake and my favourite chocolate truffle in one go. And then the barrage of phone calls started and ended only at 2 which is when I finally got to eat the cakes I had cut so happily :|

The next day, after making breakfast for Shveta, I left for the McD at sector 16 Noida, where Pallavi and Bhansali had called me for breakfast. And of course there was one more cake there :D This was followed by a quick visit to my old office because my cabbie would not come pick me up from 16 and take me to office.

Once I got to my own office I found my cubicle covered in balloons and streamers and a perfect bouquet of pink roses :D They then proceeded to shower me with a birthday card with personalised messages, the deos I use :P lots of chocs and another cake at lunch time... This was all interspersed with wishes from a lot of people I have never otherwise had a chance to speak to :) So it was awesome.

Not to mention the fact that my phone did not stop ringing since 5 in the evening the previous day to 11 last night and the various BBMs, Watsapp msgs and smses pouring in. Also the personalised presentation :P from darshika and the cards and the countdown she did for me on Monday evening. :) I loved every moment and was overwhelmed with all the affection pouring out from all directions.. Thanks to everyone who made my day so awesome in case you read this... I love you all. 

Speaking of Birthdays,

mine's just around the corner :| Now you may wonder what's with the straight face. Here's why, I am not sure whether to be happy or sad. I've usually been super-pampered on my birthdays. However, this year unless there is some sort of a super surprise in store for me, it seems like it's going to be a rather bland one. So i'm going to recap my 3 favourite Birthday moments just to make sure I never forget them.

Birthday 1: Baked Alaska. And it was special only because of the baked alaska. It was my 18th Birthday and mom made this awesome cake. For those unaware of baked alaska, it is a cake, topped with ice-cream and it's coated with something and doused with Rum and set on fire when brought into the room. The entire effect  is rather stunning. Not to mention it has a little bit of all your favourite things. I remember Mom being a lil pissed at the fact that none of us would get of our asses and come to the dining table together and hence it was getting difficult to time the lighting of the cake but we got our acts together eventually and I loved every moment of that cake.

Birthday 2: Second year at IIFT Kolkata. My birthday was bang in the middle of Durga pooja, one of the biggest and craziest festivals you will ever withness in the eastern parts of India. Its a carnival if you must try and explain it in English. Everyone is on the streets going from one pandal to another( stalls where images and idols of the goddess Durga are put up and massive prayer's organised. however, most people who are tourists like us students in Kolkata for eg visit it for the ambience, food and the adrenaline rush) So on the 15th, I was taking a nice walk in the streets of Salt Lake with one of my friends from the junior batch and I get a call from the hostel. I was expecting a call saying get your ass back here, we are going crazy organising this thing, however they wanted to go pandal hoping instead. i was like sure lets give this a try to, after all I'm in all probability never going to go back to Kolkata again esp during this season. So we set off and it was crazy. It was like the whole city was awake and out. Massive queues with loads of cops keeping an eye on the proceedings. We went ahead and braved the crowds till 4 in the morning when we finally decided to call it a day and return to our hostels. and of course we cut the mandatory 12 o'clock cake at one of the Pandals. It was absolute fun. The next day I had another party on the terrace attached to my hostel room which was awesome and then I went ahead to drop my friend off at the station.

Birthday 3: My first year at HCL or as I like to call it the year I cut 4 cakes. :P First off at Route 04 in CP with Shveta, Rohatgi and Arun after which I went for a night out at Indirapuram with Smitha's place which was followed by a visit to Kingdom of dreams the next day, another cake cutting at my PG and finally one  at the office.

But more than worrying about the lack of plans for this year I think what's got me more freaked out is the fact that I find myself evaluating my life critically now and I am not sure where Im going. Anyways let's hope I figure things out soon. Till then I might as well enjoy myself starting off with my birthday :) 

Movie Marathon

I'd promised I'd give you my own honest, unbiased review of the movies I watch so here I have been on a movie marathon, all for the benefit of you guys. Ok fine, I went on a movie marathon cos I was stuck at the dentist's for an hour and I pushed myself to go through thatordeal so i also was morally obliged to make it up to myself and hence the movie marathon :)  But you guys get the reviews anyways so what do you care how they came your way.


English Vinglish: Awesome. I kind of got it because it tackled a very real issue in india. Men here hardly ever marry their equals. They want women who will stay at home, take care of kids and their parents, cook o.k. let me cut them a little slack they at least want women who are not half as successful as they are so they never get questioned, don't have to push tp prove their point can dominate and have everything their way. I have heard this from guys in IIFT, a pretty good B-school for people unaware of IIFT, that he would rather have his wife sit at home and not work or be bothered about her education cos he does'nt want a Double income no kids family. So coming back to the movie, it tackled the issue of a woman being married with two kids, one of whom is a teenage bitch and is literally ashamed of her mom. The husband though not meaning to , insults her through his insensitivity. So this lady comes to the US to help her widowed sister arrange her daughter's wedding and she joins a learn english in 4 weeks class. And lo and behold, she regains her self-confidence, and does something for herself and in the process still manages to hold on to her family(it's an Indian movie after all) and prove a point to them that she is a free broad minded, can do it woman of today and should really not be taken for granted. I liked Sri-Devi in this movie. And the other highlight of the movie for me was the guy who plays the french chef in the movie Laurent, Mehdi Nebbou. He's super hot and cute at the same time.

Next, Killing them Softly. Good cast, Brad Pitt, Ray Liotta, James Gandolfini. Everything you liked in a good gang/crime movie. Too much gore and card playing and manipulation and plotting for me though. Maybe it was the effect that i had watched something as heart warming as English Vinglish, but these movies have never been up my alley and it's more my fault than theirs, I suppose. i got grossed out by the violence. My brother however will love it and it has got excellent reviews so I would urge you not to go by my words unless your a girl who has not like movies about stealing from gamblers and getting caught and brought to the book for it, trust me there have been a few of these.

And OMG- that's the title of the movie. Not me exclaiming. It was an awesome movie. it preached my philosophy. A middle class man disillusioned with all the rites and rituals surrounding god and places of worship takes on God, when his insurance company refuses to pay up for the damage to his shop in an earthquake citing it as an act of god. He takes on all religious outfits who are monopolizing god and says pay up! In the process he ends up unfolding a lot of conclusions, a) that these rituals and rites are man-made and mostly illogical, benefiting only the priestly classes b) none of these when you think of it is really something God would want you to do if he existed, and being a good person and a true philantrophist will get you much further anyday and c) Just because someone showed you some light of day is no excuse to deify him. There is also an important point made at the end of the movie by one of the main god men, that most people would listen to you for a while but soon when something goes wrong with them they would return to the same temples and do the same things they have done all their lives, fall prey to the rituals because they are more god-fearing than god-loving. Now that was a conclusion I had not reached on my own in the past and I think it's pretty profound. However, I was impressed. I wish it would have an effect on people beyond them watching it for fun. It could change the world a little of people really understood all the underlying messages and behaved themselves. Another conclusion from the movie was never take away anyones religion or faith from them because then they will only turn you into a saint, martyr or god-forbid, god himself :P True and profound. not all human beings have the capacity to go on with life on their own believing that there is nothing out there looking after them. Hell, not many have the capacity to exist believing all religions are same, all people are same and there is one god. you will harm the population more than help them if you take their religion away from them .

All in all 2 thought provoking movie and a third one which I do not appreciate but am sure is good in it's genre because experts of that genre seem to think so. And a very fruitful tiring sunday. Time to sleep. Good night! :)

Not the Dentist again.

Well I went to the dentist today. And I did not like it one bit.. there's something very nasty about being in their chair. i love the fact that it is so huge though. And then the headlights come on scarily and there's a masked man holding you hostage at the tip of a mirror and a  drill :P you better not move unless you want one of your nerve ends to be very painfully brought alive.

And imagine my predicament, not only was there the dentist in that room but also an assistant who apparently was so tired at 11 in the morning that while keeping the suction tube in my mouth he felt the need to rest his head against the lamp which obligingly moved an inch or two to make things more comfortable for him but horrifying for me. And oh there was also the intern, who the dentist very merrily asked to sum up the cavities in my mouth after doing the initial check and had her recite them to him like some nursery rhyme after. 

And then he merrily drilled and suctioned and filled and polished for the next hour much to my agony and chagrin (yes! I finally found a place to use that word) and then he charged much to my dismay :( I should have become a dentist! And it made me think of one of my all time favourite poems which poem sums it up wonderfully. It's one of my favourites by Ogden Nash. If i could meet someone who writes poems like this guy, I'd marry him :P Ive copy pasted it here for your benefit. I hope you have the patience to read through it it always cracks me up. In fact after pasting it down here I sat grinning like an idiot reading through it so please enjoy and reminisce about your own pain because we have all been to the dentist :)

This Is Going To Hurt Just A Little Bit

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.

And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,

But the one that is both is dental.

It is hard to be self-possessed

With your jaw digging into your chest.

So hard to retain your calm

When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm;

So hard to give your usual effect of cheery benignity

When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity.

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on.

And it is all cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn’t a nerve in your head thatyou aren’t being irked on.

Oh, some people are unfortunate enough to be strung up by thumbs.

And others have things done to their gums,

And your teeth are supposed to be being polished,

But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.

And the circumstance that adds most to your terror

Is that it’s all done with a mirror,

Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,

But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one hand and mirror in the other he won’t get mixed up, the way you do when you try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget that left is right and vice versa?

And then at last he says That will be all; but it isn’t because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof

With something that I suspect is generally used to put a shine on a horse’s hoof.

And you totter to your feet and think. Well it’s all over now and afterall it was only this once.

And he says come back in three monce.

And this, O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest,

That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition

when the chief reason he wants his teeth in good condition

is so that he won’t have to go to the dentist.

Up in The Air

I re-watched this movie today. More because of George Clooney and a little because I kind of relate to it. So the movie deals with this HR consultant who works for a firm which handles downsizing of organisations. He seems to be the typical I am a smart guy, I don't need anyone to take care of me, I'm just having a care free existence type and the last thing I want to do is settle or get married. There's also the young girl who he gets burdened with mentoring.

 She's just out of school and has all these ideas with which she wants to revolutionize the world. He is someone who understands the industry, cold-blooded or not, and does not agree with the changes completely. They go through quite a ride interacting with each other. it glamourizes the whole living out of the suitcase, being so career driven that you don't have a home to go to but all the hotels and travel industry people seem to love you. 

However, here's the part which I relate to, not that I'm flying around every few days but I seem to be on the way there. I've earned my degree, I have a good job, since I am in the services industry there is huge scope for travel and customer interaction in the future as I grow and I pick up things fast so hopefully that will be very soon. All this excites me. But there is the flip side. I) live away from my family, so far away in fact that even if I get leave for a week, the best option to get to them fast and give them most of my time is by flight. I see most of my friends settled or on the verge of settling down. And these days this includes kids 2-3 years younger to me and there is absolutely no one out on the horizon even for me. Most of my thoughts from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep and quite often even when I fall asleep, revolve around meeting the next deadline.

 And I think this is characteristic of most people who have struggled to get a good education. They want to make sure all that effort doesn't go to waste. That they do end up making a difference to the world. They are full of ideas and want to see them come to life. But at what expense? Where is the balance between their work and personal life? Is it lost "Up in The Air"? And this was actually what came to my mind on watching this movie. Where does one draw the line? For someone who has been taught to live by targets and once those are achieved reach for higher ones, does the quest for more ever end? Are we just being greedy? 

Another line which caught my attention " I do not mind being married to my job, I know it's not going to hold me while I sleep in my bed, but I don't want to settle" I do not want to settle. I want to get everything I deserve, everything I work for. I do not want to be in a certain place just because its the right time to be there. The right people and place matter just as much. but what if that never happens? And what if in search of this perfect Shangri-La all the not so perfect but almost there opportunities also walk away forcing me to eventually settle anyways. And that's when I wish there was someone who could look at me and tell me this is what is going to happen to you, if you do this with absolute certainty  the future scares me, the fact that the friends I was used to leaving behind are now leaving me behind in life scares me. Its not the race I'm referring to here, it's my life and there isn't much going right in it right now and that scares me.

I had once foolishly/naively answered the question what's your biggest fear with a bold "Nothing!" A few years later a slightly more aware version of me answered the question with that "I will die alone." I am sitting today at a stage where I have finally realized I was wrong both the times, my biggest fear is that "I will live alone. "

Insecurity

The more I see of the world, the more I think men are the most insecure things on the face of earth. For everything they have almost martial rules set down, and in case something is supposedly peaceful, they still manage to instill a certain martial element into it by just being men. 

What sparks these thoughts on a vacation you ask? Well here it is. I had a best friend. She got married. Since then her husband has massive issues with me speaking to her. The main two issues he has with me that he speaks about are, a) why does she not speak to me instead of you b) why does she not take my advise on her personal matters. Well if thats the problem then a) because you are a good friend but you are not my best friend. b) because I cannot tell u my girlie issues and you're never going to understand them either.  What I genuinelythink is the issue is that, I still remain my ex-best friend's confidant( the reason im insisting on talking about her in the past tense is that, she willingly or unwillingly is being pressurised into behaving the way her husband wants her to). The fact that both of them come from very different backgrounds has a huge role to play in it maybe. But I honestly think that very few Indian guys are brave enough to share their wives' attentions with anyone even if its of the same gender. They are insanely possessive and protective of these women. And they want to own them. Every exchange that poor girl has with the world has to go through them apparently. They have to have a say in the advise their girls give to others whether they are emotionally and mentally equipped to do this does not really matter. 

I believe most women enjoy the possessiveness. But there is a limit to it. The modern educated woman is not only about the house. She has her education and career to take care of too. She can be given some space. and trust too. yes you are not the only person in her life like probably your father was in his wife's life or his grandfather for his grandmother ryt upto the neanderthaal ages. However, you can trust you are the only man in her life and let her have some friends of her own. God knows you have plenty of morons hanging around you all the time. I can't believe the insecurities you suffer from when you get threatened by a girl your wife is friends with. Some emotional intelligence. Well, I have no patience for it. You can keep your wife. I will hereby never be contacting her or you again. All the best and don't look on me as a friend.