My first real winter. :)

Been in Delhi for a month in November and December and back again in Jan. Probably gonna be here for a good month. Having never been north of Mumbai in anything but the winter months, it was bound to be a tough winter for me. But its been fun as such. Its a new experience and a challenge if you must see it that way, cos I had only one thin sweater when i reached this place. Needless to say the warm clothes wardrobe has expanded to three new sweaters, a really thick jacket, woollen socks, gloves, 4 scarfs and 2 new pairs of jeans. I think I love winter. It has given me the chance to diversify the wardrobe. :P

Its been interesting though. Being in a temperature below 5degrees for the first time in my life, has taught me to appreciate hot chocolate and coffee with friends even more than before :P but seriously learnt a lot of new things, some of them being what a heater looks like and how it works, the need to keep your head covered at all times in order to not lose body heat this way, watching the water vapour in your breath condense, being back in the hostel or safe areas before it gets really dark. It also introduced me to the concept of thermals, this is something i don’t think im ever going to stop praising, cos they really are life savers. I have blessed the person who came up with the concept of thermals a thousand times already. And I have another three weeks to go here. Don’t know where I will be going next, but this winter has removed the fear of coping in cold cities from my mind completely. I was literally petrified with the prospect of spending a winter in Delhi but it has smoothed a lot of my worries and made me realise that I can manage it. And I am glad for the first real winter of my life.

What do you want?

Had another pre placement talk with a steel major. Had three veterans speak to us. It was amazing. The things that stayed with me though were

a) we have fabulous people coming and giving us fabulous opportunities

b) There is so much we can learn from them if we just dont let things go to our head

c) A statement made by the marketing head, do u know where you want to go and what do you want to achieve that will make you say this is what i wanted to do when i set out

What do i want to achieve???? I think i know but Im not going to lay it down here in case some HR checks my blog.. :P We are in an era where knowledge is literally flung out at us. Digital media has allowed us to literally have everything at your fingertips. SUre this has made us smarter at our age than maybe the previous generations but there is a flip side

It has oversimplified things

You want to know how a car engine works google it.

You want to see what you missed out on at your friends wedding you didnt attend.. no need to visit him.her just go to facebook

You want to know how to get from one city to the other, why google map has every minute direction laid down for you.

But you want to know where you want ot go in 20 years.... Well there are no directions for that are there... Now if only God would have little arrows pointing in the direction you should take or maybe a step by step flow of what to do next...

What do i want to do in the next 20 years...

I know I want to be in a job I love, and give it my best. And I want to make a difference. Not only at the workplace but also to the society. Now how vague does that sound?? or maybe i know what i want and its just that im still fine tuning it. Anyways... on the lighter side, I know I want to give preplacement talks for a great firm and have everyone hold me in high regard just like we hold those that we see before us today... :P Anyways dont think im concluding this one tonight.

Fleeting thoughts....

I'm stuck on the song Maria sang in The Sound of Music when she set out for her first day with the Von Trapp family "I have confidence in me". It may have something to do with the current phase where I am going to start looking out for something or it may not. Suddenly the emotions and the deeper meaning of the song seems to make so much more sense to me. And one realises that this is pretty much the decision which will select the path my life will take for a long time. Which gets us to the point where you realise running around like a headless chicken is no longer acceptable.... Informed decisions are the order of the day!

Letting Go!!!

Its been a crazy journey at IIFT. and its almost coming to an end. The only thing remaining are exams, 2 vivas and a dissertation. And of course placements!! But this too will be over soon.. Its going to be tough to let go of everything. My first taste of living on my own and that too in a completely new city which was as different from Mumbai as it could possibly be. I have had the most amazing experience so far. Wonderful diversity of people who came from lirterally every corner of the country giving me great insights not only into their behaviours but also of me as a person. This included my adjusting and becoming a better person. I hate the fact that I will move away from a majority of these people who I have come to consider a second family away from home. Apart from that the media coordinator position was just such a blessing. I loved every moment of it whether it was interacting with the media, the PR agency or my lovely juniors. It has indeed been a great ride so far. And now once again there is some uncertainty but i am sure that things are going to end well. As I type this my best friend at IIFT sits on the bed next to mine laughing at an episode of Boston Legal. The girl's gang I was a part of is around doing their own thing. These people have been such excellent friends, support system and partners in crime, that i fail to remember when I formed so many strong bonds in such a short time in the past. It will indeed be a difficult task letting go of it all but i do hope that this is the end of only the physical proximity to each other and not the excellent relationships forged here.

In a state of turmoil.

I love the starting lines from a movie titled "The Holiday". They go something like this.

"I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare says journeys end and love is meeting. extraordinary thought. Personally I have not experienced anything remotely close to that but I am more than willing to believe that Shakespeare had. I suppose, I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said Love is blind. Now that is something I know to be true. For some, quite inexplicably love fades. For others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for a night. And then there's the other kind of love; the cruellest kind; the one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about the ones who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us, the ones who fall in love alone? We are the victims of a one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones, we are the unloved ones, the walking wounded, the handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space."

Ok, Maybe things are'nt quite as bad as this, you know how movies exaggerate everything. But it cuts pretty close to the truth. I look around and find almost all my friends happy with someone who proclaims he will love them forever. It's nice to see them growing up and moving on with their lives. But it unfortunately shows me how alone I am. The fact that my best friends now do not have as much time for me as they used adds to the loneliness and reminds me of the days when I would childishly tell my parents, I will never get married but stay with you and take care of you guys" and they would say "That's not the right way to think, everyone needs somebody to take care of them" Of course in my childhood I was also stubborn and I would scoff at this thought that I, an independent and smart young woman who has done pretty well academically and is very likely to build a career where she will be financially independent actually needs a guy to be happy. I now see the folly in that. It's funny how a lot of things come and bite you in the ass when you do not take informed decisions. I hate being bitten in the ass.

So what is it that has brought me to such a candid confession? I do not know really. Its probably the fact that I actually have developed another crush which I fast see coming to nothing. I'm pretty sure we both like each other but for some reason I think I am the only one who sees this as a crush or rather something beyond being friends, and that just makes it worse cos the guy being a friend is someone I cannot let go completely of either.

So how is it that all my friends are seeing someone and I am not. I cannot be so unloveable. I know for a fact that I am smart, funny, compassionate and understanding. I am good at making friends and keeping them and have an easy disposition. Usually people have a good opinion about me and trust me easily. And I am pretty good looking too apart from some flab which simply has to be got rid of soon.

Letting go; that's another thing I seem to be an expert for. Everytime I come across a guy and realise he may have other ties, or things are just not possible w/o some struggle I let go saying it was'nt meant to be most probably. I usually dont let go of anything w/o a fight actually but this is the exception to the rule and the reason is that I believe people cannot be forced into something like falling in love.

Well I do not have a conclusion to this. Maybe there is no such thing as real love and movies have hyped it to such an extent that a majority of its audience actually began believing in it and went ahead and fell in love with the other gullible fools who watched movies. This is the mean explanation I can come up with to console myself. The flip-side to this of course is that at least those gullible fools are happy while i am spending half an hour posting this analysis based on nothing but my assumptions. Maybe I should do a market research on this and title it " Love as a Commodity". Anyways, does'nt look like I am going to find the solution anytime soon so I myt as well stop beating around the bush and do something productive. However my dear readers, if you have any profound thoughts to offer to this confused person please feel free to do so. Either tell me how I could stop having crushes on people which do not amount to anything or how to convert them(preferable option) into something :P And if this fails, I guess I will have to do a market research on it.

Music makes me lose control... :P

Got a new Ipod... Its a gift from my brother... so Yay!!!! he did something nice for a change... :P Just got to figure out how to use it now... However installing the itunes software/ etc on my lappy made me actually look at the songs i have on my laptop too.. and i didnt realise how long it has been since i heard these... to many at this point of time they may sound like the golden oldies... am listening to Backstreet's Back now and thinking back to 7th std which is when I went crazy about these guys, remembering how we used to find the line " Am I sexual" scandalous even though it doesnt mean anything if you think of it rationally( the person who wrote their songs was granatically challenged I guess.. they should just hire me instead in the future.. :P:D) Anyways its fun to listen to these and I cant wait to put them on the Ipod.

Now here's the thing, I dont understand what gives VH1 the idea that we like rap and Hip-Hop... I think those two are the worst possible thing that could happen to Music... or even a way to console those people who just cant sing and think that them talking fast and in an incomprehensible way is them singing ..... Whats wrong with people that is not music.... please for heaven's sake start singing... let us hear some instruments playing somewhere in the background and some rhythm in your voice.. some softness and emotion apart from that of wanting to shoot everyone else down....

Anyways I am thankful to the Michael Buble's and James Blunt's of the world.... Thank god for you.... I hope people regain their senses and start listening to SONGS again rather than long lists of expletives being strewn around by people who frankly seem more suited for professions such as mugging people in the middle of the night on deserted roads..... And i am grateful that my favourites like Backstreet Boys and westlife still sing.... Some sanity prevails in this mad chaos....

Questions once more

Its 2:40 at night and I still feel like I am looking for something. I am not satisfied at all at the moment. What am i supposed to be doing here? I think I am just going to shoot off questions in this post and you just have to bear with me... I am of course assuming that someone reads this blog other than me...

As I approach another change and a big one at that, these questions just get more and more confusing.... I am at the moment in a very unique situation.... Most of my friends are, by now, settled happily in life be it their job, their clarity on career path or being committed to someone. I suddenly find I have none of these stabilising factors.... and its driving me a little insane with worry. Once more I will be uprooted from a settled lifestyle( that of a carefree student) and thrown into the big mean rat race... Only now it gets much more meaner and dirtier... It is at times like this that i question my ability.... I know I have proven myself many times before... often surprising everyone around me pleasantly but I am not sure how much effort will be necessary to pull off a surprise here... And man do i need to pull off a brilliant surprise here...

In case This is sounding very vague let me just put it down as a series of questions as they come to my mind

Is college really coming to an end

Will I ever have as much fun as I do now( Esp felt when i witness the daily adventures of my fav characters in class Sayo, Meanie, Ipsi,Shveta, Neha, Rohatgi and STRAWBERRY!!! :P)

Where the bloody hell am i headed in life now? I am still struggling to figure out which stream I am gng to get myself into and theres a month and a half left... im so dead

Will I be able to adjust to another change in life

Am I even doing the right thing, especialy when I see all my school friends working , settled in their lives, buying homes and cars...and i am again at a stage where i have to start out with nothing in hand....

What do companies expect of me now? How does one prepare???

Why am i so clueless.. Please dear god tell me everyone feels the same cluelessness

So now do you see why i am so sleepless tonight???? Please let me find the answers to some of these questions soon.....